Gone are the days of 6-block walks to the beach. Gone are the early morning acai bowls at my favorite, top secret cafe. Gone are the thrice weekly visits to Yoga Co for peace of mind and soul. Gone is the sense of “home” I had finally discovered in Santa Monica. Damn. For the first time in 20 years I felt as though I belonged somewhere, and poof - away I went, again. While I absolutely adore Culver City for the affordability and convenience it brings, I can’t help but miss the perfect sense of feng shui and positive energy that came with living by the ocean.
Here, I’m reluctant to unpack boxes and “permanently arrange furniture” for fear of a repacking that’ll happen all too soon in the future… and because nothing seems to fucking flow no matter where I put it. The frustration is beyond overwhelming. Daily I’m faced with stark white walls that offer no creativity. A moderately sized walk-in closet that never feels big enough, currently curiously resembling an Adidas and Nike shoe battle. (Nike is winning). The roar of cars zooming by my window even in the wee hours of the morning. The somewhat ditsy, randomly inconsiderate, constantly sick roommate. Little to no counter/cabinet space in the kitchen.
The majority of these things are superficial quirks that could be easily changed with a weekend trip to the flea market and a couple DIY projects. Hell, one trip to IKEA could do the trick. But why spend the time/effort/energy/money when “home” just might be across the country in 4 months?
I thought I could do it. I thought I could live out of a suitcase and in limbo before making the cross country trip to New York. But I can’t. My sanity won’t allow me to. Furthermore, my sanity won’t allow me to commit to this cross country move without at least the prospect of a job, a timeline, a road map of all locations to be visited along the way, a serious headway in studying for my GREs and a legitimate farewell to my family up north. Funny… the one thing that was supposedly ‘concrete’ in my plans for 2010 looks to be in limbo too.
… to be continued