i dont know what i want, what i need or what i desire anymore. is this the result of reading too much kant, aristotle & aquinas? the feeling of having your intellect ridiculed senseless by some of the greatest thinkers the world has ever seen… and realizing that the end we perceive as ‘ultimate’ is in fact just as socially constructed as the realities around us? is everything so empty? so dark and so dismal? … only to be interrupted on occasion by the flash of ~~light~~ love that blinds us and binds us and teaches us of our own mortality? my sister, all of 9 years old, asks me this question almost every time i see her: what is the meaning of life? even when words (or courage) fail her, i see it in her eyes. she wonders, hopeless. and i, the elder who would protect her from all evils, uncertainties and dangers in the world if i could… i have no answers. i am as hopeless as she. i wish i could show her the brilliant flash of love that kept me going all these months, but i cannot for i do not see it anymore. i do not feel it anymore. and that which we cannot experience either doesnt exist… or is divine.