You know what happens when you work hard to get everything you’ve ever wanted in your life and the pieces finally start falling together? You settle. You become complacent. You think you can take on the world and while sometimes you’re right, sometimes you get a fucking big ass reality check that destroys your heart. As I write this, Ranger is lying under my desk, acting as the world’s cutest and softest living, breathing foot warmer. I can hear him panting sporadically, and with each breath he takes, my feet rise and fall. I never thought I’d fall in love so fast. So unconditionally. So completely. SO DAMN FAST. It’s been only three days but I’m absolutely smitten with him.

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When I started writing this post, I was uncertain about what to do. Deep down, I knew the “right thing,” I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. A two hour phone call and email exchange with my mom later, she made my come to terms with it. Ranger’s moved to his makeshift blanket/bed behind me but I can still hear his breathing. Tonight will be the last night we spend together. I want to write more, to get it all out there and to reconcile with myself, but I can’t. My heart is breaking and I don’t know what’s what anymore. I feel so fucking lost. So fucking empty. So fucking lonely…